ARE THERE OTHER ASSHOLES LIKE ME? Oh yes. The world is full of assholes. 1. Assholes who drive other louder than hell pieces of shit.      a. The kid down the street who works 40 hours a week at Jiffy Lube while carrying a 1.7 GPA at the local high school. He has an 800 dollar 1992 louder than hell pice of shit Honda Civic with a 2500 dollar car stereo. The tail lights rattle and everything sounds exactly the same because it's hard to appreciate fidelity when the audio is cut off above 200 hertz.      b. The other kid down the street. Slightly smarter, slightly older, slightly better income, equally an asshole. He has an unrecognizable Honda that is painted retina-detatching purple. His tires shine more brightly than anything on your entire car. There is some kind of unnatural looking appliance pop-riveted to his trunk that is supposed to be a spoiler. He has a muffler (muffler?) that has an exit the diameter of plastic drainpipe. It produces a sound like a chainsaw on crack and can be heard for miles around. 2. Asshole neighbors and power-driven tool and yard equipment.      The next door asshole neighbor who mows his grass at 7:30 in the morning on Saturday. Then they weed whack for another hour after that. Any asshole neighbor who runs any appliance that produces more than 85 decibels before 10 in the morning. 3. Assholes and their cellphones.      Everybody knows this type. They talk wherever they want, whenever they want, and as loud as they possibly can. It doesn't matter if they are talking to their husband to remind them about their vasectomy appointment; repeating that their daughter needs super ultra maxipads with oversized wings; discussing the pros and cons of recycling pig manure while your waitress delivers your vegetable soup; or just like, talking to like, their BFF and junk about, like, what they are going to wear tonight and whether they are going to, like, just, like, hang out, or like, go over to Josh's party. Aside from you, the asshole, and the party on the other end of the conversation, who gives a damn? Shut up already.