CAN I STOP BEING AN ASSHOLE? Sure you can. Like they say, if you sit a chimpanzee in front of a typewriter it will eventually type a recognizable word. In the case of assholes like you, who have at least half the brains of a chimp, it may take a while but there is hope. Follow these steps and you will be well on your way to becoming less of an asshole. 1. Admitting you are an asshole is the first step.      Sooner or later you will realize that normal, civilized people don't behave like you do. We don't drive louder than hell pieces of shit because we don't need that type of validation or to have attention drawn to ourselves. We also don't like other people calling us assholes. 2. Take responsibility for your asshole actions.      Once you realize that you have a problem, the next step is to take responsibility for your actions. It's not the fault of the person who can hear you from a mile way that they live too close to you. It is that they can HEAR YOUR FROM A MILE AWAY. How would you like it if someone constanty rang your doorbell at seven in the morning on Sunday while you were passed out on the couch with a pounding headache from your night before's drinking? We don't treat others that way because that's not the way normal, well behaved people treat others. We use The Golden Rule, not "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" as our guide. 3. Seek help with your asshole problem.      The next step in a good recovery is to seek help from those who can help you. In this case, you need to look no farther for help. I can help you. All you have to do is one of these two things: 1. Sell your louder than hell piece of shit and buy something that's not so loud. 2. Put a fucking muffler on your louder than hell piece of shit and convert it to a quiet as a mouse piece of shit. Either one of these simple steps will almost immediately stop you from being an asshole. 4. Stay in a good asshole treatment program.      This goal can usually can be obtained outside of any structured program to help assholes. All you have to do is to remember that you were an asshole at one time but you don't want to lapse and turn back into an asshole again. However, if you feel that you need help there are many good criminal psychologists who are willing to take on new patients. And after you have sold your louder than hell piece of shit you will have a lot of money to provide you with help. Try not to spend it all on Old Milwaukee, meth, prostitutes, and overpriced louder than hell piece of shit accessories. If you got what your louder than hell piece of shit is worth and you only have five dollars budgeted for your treatment, you can always stand next to a jackhammer and remember what your louder than hell piece of shit sounds like to everybody who isn't an asshole like you. 4. Help another asshole.      Find another asshole and help him into recovery. Assholes aren't hard to find. They can usually be found either driving a louder than hell piece of shit or riding with the driver of a louder than hell piece of shit. Expect to be harassed. They were once like you and do not take kindly to being told that they are assholes because the truth really does hurt. Sometimes your best efforts will be futile. You cannot help someone who lives in a state of denial. If you suffer more than three broken bones or two gunshot wounds, it may be better to solicit the help of your local law enforcement angencies. Assholes are very stubborn. They seem to take pride in being assholes.